So no more Mr Nice Guy!! 
IS THIS A JOKE ??
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Jacksparrow
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Jacksparrow
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Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
Whilst in the club the other day I got an old World War ll navy veteran to tell me about one of his exploits during his time on destroyer duty guarding the coasts of Britain, he said that one of his worst memories was when whilst out on patrol in the Atlantic, a tell tale series of blips were picked up on the underwater sonar, so as they had been taught they proceeded to drop a series of depth charges, it was after their third attack that a lookout reported a possible hit, the crew raced to the side of the ship and peered into the water, what happened next really surprised some of the old sea dogs, air bubbles, oil slicks, and pieces of wreckage surfaced, and then the strangest thing of all, about thirty dead sheep floated to the top, this so confused the crew as nothing like this had ever been reported before.
The mystery was finally cleared up two years after the war had ended, when it was revealed that they had sunk a ewe boat.
The mystery was finally cleared up two years after the war had ended, when it was revealed that they had sunk a ewe boat.
Standards are looking up 
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
I once locked my keys in the car and spent ages trying to get the door open.
One of my friends came along, wearing a pair of beige trousers, and asked if he could have a go. He rubbed his trousers against the door and it opened straight away.
"That's amazing", I said.
"I can't take all the credit", he replied. "It's all down to my khaki trousers."
One of my friends came along, wearing a pair of beige trousers, and asked if he could have a go. He rubbed his trousers against the door and it opened straight away.
"That's amazing", I said.
"I can't take all the credit", he replied. "It's all down to my khaki trousers."
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
2019 Edinburgh Fringe best joke awards
winner - "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets". - Olaf Falafel
runners up (which I think are better!
)
"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
winner - "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets". - Olaf Falafel
runners up (which I think are better!
)"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
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Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
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Jacksparrow
- Moderator
- Posts: 6524
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Re: IS THIS A JOKE ??
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
The father replies,
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?"
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
The father replies,
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?"