Garden Wildlife UK

It was just another gloomy November morning in the Royd family home. On the bird table in the middle of the lawn the Starlings fought over the remains of last nights pizza and the Sparrows gleefully gobbled up the fallout from underneath. Dad Andy lazily browsed the morning paper between eating spoonfuls of muesli while twin daughters Aster and Emma bickered over who could go into the bathroom first prior to leaving for school. Anna his wife had already departed the family home for her job in the local supermarket and wasn't expected to return until late afternoon.
Andy was a house husband and the highlight of his day was to get the girls off to school and have the place to himself. As per usual the house fell quiet just before nine o'clock and Andy settled into the morning's to do list. He'd barely started to load the dish washer when he heard the ratatat tat of the front door knocker. It startled Andy as his mornings usually passed uninterrupted. As he approached the door he could make out through the frosted glass the uniformed figure of a postman. It wasn't his usual Postie as he didn't put in an appearance until much later in the day.
"Are you Mr. Royd?" the caller enquired in a business like manner. "Yep" said Andy at which point the Postie produced an A4 sized brown envelope clearly well stuffed with documents and thrust it his direction. "Sign here mate" said the Postie,Andy obliged and retired to try and find out the meaning of the unexpected packet.
What was to follow shook Andy's life to it's foundations because in the envelope was........................

- the names of the daughters lead one onto other things .......
Bring it on, Jacksparrow, bring it on

.......... a sheaf of very official looking paperwork. A quick look at the letter heading revealed it was from a Legal Practice in Yorkshire which troubled Andy straight away as to the best of his knowledge he had never set foot in the county. A large black unsweetened coffee was called for and that is exactly what he made before he found somewhere comfy to read through the documents. The kitchen table had to double as a reading desk and soon Andy was deeply engrossed and so much so he completely missed a second Ratatat tat at the front door.The courier (for it was he) soon tired of waiting for a reply and scribbled one of his little cards advising where and when the undelivered package could be retrieved.
Andy read the first couple of lines of text and wasn't much wiser as it was all in legalese but might as well been Greek for all the sense it made. What he did gather though was that.....................

... he was a big numpty noo-noo ?? ...

Well, this is a deep one and no mistake. The postman hath cometh and we're no wiser ........ yet.

........there was money involved which frightened and excited Andy in equal measure. Andy has spent about fifteen minutes trying to decipher the legalistic mumbo jumbo when he came to a page which looked as though it should have been the top page and not in the middle of the bundle and further more there was complete absence of legal jargon. It was headed "Dess, Parrot, Thymes Solicitors to the Dales" at an address somewhere Andy had never heard of.
Dear Sir,it began, may we start by offering our sincere condolences at your recent bereavement.......
That was a far as Andy reached as all the blood had seemingly drained from his head because he was not aware of anyone having passed away that he knew and why was a firm of solicitors supposing that he had. After this little moment had passed Andy returned to the letter..........We have been appointed Executors for the last will and testament of..................

Oooooohh roflol roflol roflol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just love all these names !!! That beats Sue, Grabbitt & Runne out of sight
And not an Asbo in sight

Lovin' this, Jacksparrow

....Herbie Vooer. Andy stopped reading at that point quite convinced he was the victim of either mistaken identity or more likely some kind of scam.
As he sat and pondered whether to read on or consign the paperwork to the fire in the wood burner it occurred to Andy that his mother may hold a solution to the mystery. This was not quite as easy as one would imagine as the said mother was resident in Wellington New Zealand and had been for the past ten years. If Andy sent an email she may not open it for days and to phone would put a severe dent in the home budget. He decided to email as it was getting late in the evening in the antipodes also he didn't want to over concern her over what may well be a scam.
Andy looked at the clock on the wall and was alarmed to see that a couple of hours had elapsed and his morning tasks were still awaiting his attention. The contents of the unexpected delivery were strewn across the kitchen table and the daily rota was half a day behind schedule. Andy was flummoxed as to his next move when suddenly the landline phone suddenly rang ,it was.......................