Garden Wildlife UK

I went to the hospital today & I said: "I've been bitten by a wolf"
Doctor said: "Where?!”
I said: "No just an ordinary one".
…
I've recently bought a new voice activated car but it doesn't seem to be working properly.
I'm really upset, it goes without saying.

I’ve been up at 6am with my trainer every day this week, if I find the other one I might go for a jog.

I've started growing snooker cues from seed at the end of my garden, you should see my potting shed.

A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

First thing this morning there was a tap on my door .
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.