Garden Wildlife UK

Scientists studying the effect of cannabis on seabirds have left no tern unstoned

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at the petrol station this morning.
After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police.
They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof!
My money is gone however.
The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them,

“Yes, it was pump number 2.”

I found a magic lamp and I rubbed and out popped a Genie.
He said he would give me one wish.

I said, "I wish I could be you.

The Genue saud, "Weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

My wife said she didn't believe I was a proper cockney so I stormed up the apples and oranges!!!
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My mate who is into fishing, uses liquorice as bait. He says he catches all sorts.
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My brother and I inherited some furniture from the local zoo.
I'm glad to say I got the lion's chair.
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Did you hear about the policeman who was only 4 foot five tall?
His Sargent said he wasn't much cop
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Lost my mother in law last night.... what a game of cards that was!
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Ever since I drew a watch on my wrist with a ballpoint pen, I've been living on biroed time.

In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.