Garden Wildlife UK

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Quote from John Glenn, first USA earth orbiter:

"As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder."

I remember when the candle shop burned down, Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday'.

Why do you need to watch out when it rains cats and doge? Because you might step in a poodle!

Why does the flamingo lift up one leg? Because if it lifted up both it would fall over

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? So it would be poly-unsaturated

WARNING This one is bad enough to get a place in peregrine's book
Reptiles find music relaxing, which is good news if you need...
a calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.

You're right.

I was burgled last night, they stole all my lamps which is a bit strange?

I should be upset but I'm de-lighted.

Blimey, Kev - join the club !

Listen boys - you need to raise your standards quite a bit

Never raise a hand to your children - it leaves your groin unprotected

My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son of a bitch

Went to a fancy dress party last night and saw a Bloke dressed up as a goat ,very effective too.
I said to him " Your are suffering from Dyslexia aren't you? "
He asked how I knew and I said " It's a Toga party!"