Garden Wildlife UK

Teacher to pupil: 'I asked you to draw a cow eating grass while I eas out of the room. You've only drawn a cow.' Pupil: 'You were out so long the cow ate it all.'

Teacher to pupil: 'You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?' Pupil: 'No' I'm having trouble listening.'

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the Newscaster says: "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were Skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says; "How many is a Brazilian"?

Actually that's not too bad .

We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) just been to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!

And I thought you were improving, Jacksparrow .

Placido wrote: Sun Mar 10, 2019 10:23 am And I thought you were improving, Jacksparrow .

Aaah! The road to perfection is a rocky one I plod on un-dimmed

A lorry containing Vics Vapour rub has overturned on the M1.

Police say there will be no congestion for at least 24 hours.